Ok, so I was quoted in the recent book Hipster Christianity as saying these words “Youth Groups Destroy Children’s Lives.” Putting aside the issues I have with the book itself, I admit I was quoted accurately by the book’s author Bret McCracken. I often use the pedagogical tactic that starts out by saying something provocative and then, after I’ve gotten myself into some trouble, and acquired some people’s attention, I try to explain myself. It’s a bad rhetorical habit. Nonetheless, it works. This time it seems to have attracted some attention so let me take advantage of it and explain what I meant.
I think youth groups often do things that work against the formation of our youth into life with Christ and His Mission. They also soak up huge time and resources in ways that are a detriment to the community life of the church. I think it would be good for parents seeking churches to think through these issues.
Prototype youth groups are built on the worst of modernist assumptions concerning the way human beings develop as cultural beings. They play into the worse impulses of parents who don’t get what is happening right before their very eyes when their children start to take on the moral formation of the ubiquitous culture at large. (Parents want young hip experts to save their kids – UH THAT DON’T WORK!!). They think the answer is to somehow get their children to a place where the youth culture attracts them and somehow makes Christianity attractive to their age group. All these things, I argue, work against the child growing up into a vital and real relationship with the living God and what He has done in Christ for the world.
I offer the following three comments – all three of which have been said many times by people much smarter than me on these issues. (I now prepare myself for the onslaught of backlash I am sure to get for this post).
1.) YOUTH GROUPS FOSTER PEER ORIENTATION. Youth groups segregate the youth from the adults creating programing geered towards them as a separate culture. This creates a gap between the youth and the adults culturally. This then leads the youth to look to their peers for orientation into life. This I contend works against the discipleship of youth into Christ. I contend this peer orientation is disasterous for the lives of our children.
Of course our culture at large already does this. And our parents generally eat it up. It’s a fact that, due to the economic and cultural changes of modern society, children/teenagers have been segregated in school classrooms, and targeted as a separate niche consumer market by culture industries. As a result, they look increasingly to their peers for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity, codes of behavior. They have less connection with adults either in or outside immediate family (you need both) as role models for life. This undermines healthy development and fosters hostile and sexualized youth culture. Children lose their true individuality, become overly conformist, desensitized and alienated. Being “cool” matters more to them than anything else. This is American culture! In the words of child psychologist Gordon Neufeld (a book I’d recommend), peer orientation undercuts the necessary parental connection in that parental nurturance cannot get through, is always insecure, cannot bring the child to rest, and is unable to be fulfilled (closeness unmet). As such peer orientation crushes individual development.
Youth groups that play to this peer group dynamic create the playground for all of the above developmental issues to explode. This leads to the next observation.
2.) YOUTH GROUPS UNDERCUT WHOLISTIC COMMUNITY FROM WHICH A CHILD CAN LEARN FAITH IN CHRIST AS A WAY OF LIFE/RELATIONSHIP, NOT JUST INFORMATION SLICKLY DELIVERED.
As Neil Cole has put it so well here (click on “What about kids in Organic Church?”), children learn about the living God by being in living relationships within a community where God is present. Once Jesus becomes infotainment, once it becomes a program, detached from real relationships, it loses its reality. It takes on the character of a learning experience in competition with other learning experiences. That’s a competition I’m just not interested in. In the midst of all these learning programs, children are consistently learning their allegiances from real life interactions with adults they respect. They sense insincerity and/or lack of integrity immediately. The life in Christ becomes attractive through the irresistable love of Christ that is shared visibly in and around our life together. If children are not immersed in this world, chances are they will find church boring and irrelevant. They will not withstand the discipline necessary to be shaped into something more than immediate gratifications. They will not have the wherewithal to give it time and learn what “Jesus is Lord” means as that reality by which we live our lives into His Kingdom.
3.) YOUTH GROUPS TOO OFTEN TRY TO ATTRACT YOUTH PLAYING TO THEIR WORST INTERESTS.
It’s a mistake to try to “attract” youth to discipleship with either social occasions that play on their sexual insecurities or music entertainment that plays on their desire to be “cool.” There will be times I am sure to attend the occasional rock concert or have the occasional social time together. But what the church should do for its youth most of all is foster spaces for meeting God where they can be trained to listen for God and commune with Him in silence, in prayer. Mark Yaconelli does a great job explaining this basic thing. I have seen this basic concept transform youth groups overnight in churches of some of my students. I also think the other best thing we can do for youth is organize mission trips to places in need around the world where youth come together to sacrifice and make a difference for the kingdom. This kind of mission trip (as opposed to a resort-like vacation) is a spiritual practice we must regularly encourage and fund in our churches. Again, I have singularly seen this practice transform the lives of youth in churches I have observed or worked with. Generally speaking, we need to be involved in mission in our everyday lives and take our children with us as we minister in our everyday lives (the other day I suggested to someone take their children to the hospital with them in praying for the sick – this was not a good idea because evidently our children bring germs that adults don’t … oh well).
In closing, I believe the youth ministry of a church is vitally important. But we must discern carefully what we are doing. Whether we have three youth or fifty, we need youth leaders to do things to foster authentic adult relationships with the youth. Let us make the community aware that we ARE A COMMUNITY and we have to treat our youth as among us and indeed take responsibility to love them, pray for them, watch over them, initiate them and model Christ before them and with them. Let us foster safe spaces for them to ask all their questions and learn how to listen for God in their lives. Let us do mission trips and bring them with us in all the ways we participate in Christ’s Mission in the world. ! At Life on the Vine, these are the things we’re ever working on.
That’s my two sense, no doubt there are many who could add wiser counsel here. Let er rip!! Comments please.
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Where I see the problem with this is when youth groups 'replace' students worshiping with their parents and with the larger body. At my church we do youth group at a time when there isn't a regular worship service, we also don't make youth group resemble a 'worship service', it is a time to come and build relationships with adults and with other students & to be pushed in their walk with God through interaction, relationships & experiences.
What I hate about articles like this is how they generalize what youth groups are about & those that are trying to do different are thrown into this is what youth group is. I'm sure there are some youth groups that are trying to attract students by being cool and providing a 'youth worship service' so the youth don't have to go to 'big people church', instead they can just interact with each other & hear a lecture, but I don't think most youth groups run this way. Maybe I'm wrong though, I'm not saying most are doing it right, but I sure hope most are heading in this direction, so for that thanks for pushing it, just don't lump us all into this is what youth group is, plz.
[...] http://www.reclaimingthemission.com/youth-groups-destroy-childrens-lives/ [...]
Unfortunately hyperbole used for shock value and attention grabbing usually has one of two consequences….neither of which seem very good:
1) tactic/statement works and gets people all fired up about something that is actually not even a real issue. Ex: “Obama-care will include death panels!”
2) tactic/statement is viewed as so over-the-top and obvious attention grab, that an important issue is dismissed because it isn’t presented in a genuine manner.
Are liberals open to learning anything from Sean Hannity? Are conservatives open to learning anything from Keith Olberman? The answer is no, and the reason is, at least partly, because of their shock-value, hyperbole-filled strategy.
Many of those who think the modern church and modern youth ministry suck are applauding articles like this, while many of those who are comfortable with the status quo or afraid of change disregard it from the get-go because of the lack of integrity from the start.
and dialogue about a crucial topic… and maybe the kind of progress
we all hope for…is the loser.
Although there are some truths to what you're saying David, I don't think this applies to minority American youth groups. I'm Korean-American and grew up in Korean churches. Youth groups, generationally divided, were a place of solace and of solidarity. I found much comfort being in youth group, and therefore experienced a ton of spiritual growth.
It might be fair to say that your criticisms are more effective for a white American evangelical/mainline audience. But maybe that's the assumption you have of much of your readership.
I am a youth minister who has been at it for over 35 years. It is obvious that my church is not relying on me being hip or cool to attract teens to our church or keep our kids in the church. I think our group is based on spiritual formation and our youth prefer "regular youth group" (with community, sharing, prayer, Bible study) to special events. I don't have time to fashion a lengthy well-reasoned response right now, suffice it to say I agree with "The Man" above. In some circles, bashing youth ministry has become fashionable. To say "youth groups destroy children's lives" is such a slap in the face to so many of God's servants who have given so much of their lives to God and his children. If one of the purposes of your blog is to attract readers and therefore sell books, etc., be assured that I will never buy any book you write and I will never again visit this blog. Your words are hurtful and for the worst possible reason: to attract attention to yourself. And in this blog post you reveal that it is an exaggeration meant to attract attention. This is the same kind of dialog-killing crap that shock-jock talk show hosts employ all the time.
I'm a 29-year youth minister who has tried it all. For the past 9 years my role has been leading in what we are calling church family-based youth ministry. There are a load of resources about this at http://www.cfbym.org. All free because we want to provide these resources as widely as possible because we are loving the fruit so much.
There are a lot of leaks in the piping. An objective consideration of the N. American church would cause most to conclude our system and structure for formation into Christ has some significant holes. God's intention does not seem to be children training themselves or children training children. Segregation and compartmentalization seems to be in opposition to a biblical understanding of how children are to be formed. The Bible says training has to be incorporated in all the rising, walking, and bedtime parts of life.
We cannot harangue our youth pastors. They are just walking into the system prior generations have established. This discussion cannot avoid bringing in the leaders that foster abdication of youth's formation in Christ. In many instances, the pastors and elders are hiring 20-something kids (products of our culture's prolonged adolescence syndrome) and placing the sole responsibility upon them, if I may state it crudely, to get the children to like the church.
We cannot place blame solely at the threshold of a post-Christian society. Nor can we just cast blame at youth leaders. It is not simply bad parenting. It is not just the fault of our church leaders. Children are being brought into a fragmented society and the majority raised in fragmented families. This is a community issue that has a community solution.
Leaders need to better resource parents in how to form their children in Christ. Senior saints need to mentor those with less life experience. Children need to be challenged with higher expectations of love, maturity, sacrifice and faithfulness to Jesus. And we all need to be challenged with a longer view of the Kingdom we are living into, that is being created generation upon generation.
Great Comments.
I think your thoughts re: youth group paint with a massively broad brush. I'm sure some groups are exactly what you describe, however that has not been my personal experience.
Any church that neglects the healthy discipleship of young people will die on the vine.
#1 assumes that in fact yg sets up peers to influence one another. I think exactly the opposite is more true. Peers collect one another, then leaders influence. Youth ministries are (mostly) run by leaders that love and desire to speak into young people's lives.
#2 Assumes Jesus being taught as infotainment. Again, maybe in some places, but not all.
#3 Assumes a whole lot. What you say regarding mission trips is SOP for thousands of youth groups.
I fear the current over reaction, may throw the baby out with the bath water. Youth ministry can be a powerful and vital mission within the church. My $.02
Every time I read an article about Youth groups, I cannot help but think of a youth group near me growing up, whose weekly meetings consisted of a brief prayer followed by splitting into groups for 3 hours of 8-player Counterstrike and Battlefield Vietnam Team Deathmatches. While their attendance was impressive, I cannot help but wonder if any of my classmates in that program grew up to be compassionate, thoughtful people.
For comparison, my youth group just cooked dinner together once a week. It wasn't the kind of activity I would brag about to my schoolmates, but looking back it made a lot of difference in my life, and was the first place where I really developed fairly deep personal relationships.
No matter how anyone looks at it, 9 times out of ten they end up in some kinda group. Call it what you want, clique, pose, gang…it's a group. Think about it… worse case scenario is that we have to be creative in reaching a youth who has been catered to through youth programs, or having to identify a body in a morgue.
I think must is true however, the church needs to change it way it does church in the first place, so its more of community style than a program, so in the context we can say one things is wrong with youth ministry and one things in the church that is geared towards adult focus. so it all has to change, the new testament was family atmosphere, young people where encourage to evan minister.
The greatest example of youth ministry outsourcing is the huge busines known as Young Lfe.
[...] and I don’t want to contribute to that at this time. You can read the Eikon white paper here or a provocative piece by David Fitch about the failure of youth ministry here if you want to know [...]
[...] are youth ministries any good? This provocative article about how “youth groups destroy children’s lives,” says no, and the critiques are [...]
[...] never come out and said plainly what I believe. I did link once to this article once – Youth Groups Destroy Children’s Lives (which is a great read, by the way) — but I’ve never written a blog post on the [...]
I thinks it’s funny how every youth minister that mildly disagrees takes this article takes it personally as an attack on youth ministry and youth ministers. The writer isn’t attacking the way you do things and saying “YOU’RE WRONG!!!!”. He’s merely offering alternative, and possibly more effective ways of ministering to youth. Whether or not the way “you” do it is right or wrong, depends solely on what the Bible says about youth ministry. Figuring that out will sponsor some deep and powerful Bibles studies. Don’t be selfish with it. Take someone along for the journey. When it comes down to it, what are you going to do? Are you going to, in ministry, be conformed to the world, or be transformed by the renewing of your minds. If anything good would come from what I say I hope that it is. Lean to the Bible for your guidance and authority. I’m not knocking scholars, scientists, and psychologists. But who know His children better than God Himself. Commit everything to prayer, and make sure what you do, and what you teach, lines up with the clear teachings of the Bible.
– Nobody Important.
[...] a yp friendly version of this article, getting their opinions on what the article says and asking them overtly why they think we do what [...]
Logical…it's Thanksgiving!