In my last post on this subject, I said “One of evangelicalism’s biggest problems is we have no compelling sexual vision … We have little or no sexual ethic except the glorified desire of Hollywood lopped onto heterosexual monogamous marriage. We have no theology of desire formation. It is “lust,” and enjoy it, only do so while married to one person. We have no concept of the “ordering of desire.” This is why our witness is so vapid among the sexual brokenness of our day.” I said this is perhaps why we have nothing else to say to the GLBTQ peoples except “hetero-sexual sex is right” and “same-sex relations is wrong”.
It seems then that the first task of a “Welcoming and Mutually Transforming” missional community, ministering among the sexual brokenness of today’s society (whether GLBTQ or heterosexual or otherwise) is to recover a Christian vision of sexuality. There’s no way to describe what such a vision would look like in a blog post. Yet if I were to summarize the direction I think we need to go, it would be with the sentence, “human sexuality is a reflection of the Triune Relation that we are created to experience in the image of God.” But this really does not translate to those outside of Christian faith easily apart from a community living a sexuality in process of being redeemed. It would take a twenty page essay (or my sexual ethics class at Northern ?) to begin to describe this vision theologically.
So instead of that, I offer four ways God transforms our sexual desire and thereby our experience towards his created purposes. Then I make a comment on the practices we need for such a community to become this kind of place where we can be transformed by the Spirit. In describing these 4 areas for transformation (this is just a start) there’s almost a sense here, that if we allow ourselves to be shaped in these ways through confession, prayer, liturgy, truth telling etc. and thereby live them out, the GLBTQ issues will sort themselves out along with all the rest of the sexual issues the church is facing in today’s society (although I still recognize the necessity of articulating our sexual commitments internal to the Body of Christ).
FOUR AREAS FOR SEXUAL TRANSFORMATION
1.) From “sex for me” to “sex towards Oneness.” Sex is dying to self in order to become one. There is a reflection of the Triune God here. There is a reflection of the way of the cross here. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …” Eph 5:25. Sex is the act of our own self-giving to the other for the sake of becoming one. And yet, the sexual malformation of our society often does the exact opposite – turning the other into an object for sexual satisfaction. The attraction that is nurtured is primarily the fulfillment of libido “for me.” Anytime this happens, we are duped and in a trap. When having sex becomes about who I am, my “sexual identity,” my ego, “how many notches on my belt,” “he/she wanted me,” “I feel desired” and any of the other numerous ways society perverts sex into self fulfillment, I suggest we’ve become trapped into objectifying and being objectified. Instead of oneness between two, there is now an awful distance. We’ve lost the formation that makes the deeper purposes of God’s creation possible. We therefore must gather into community (I suggest groups of threes) to confess and discern how we make others into objects in the way we think about them, sexualize them. (I’ve been in powerful men’s groups where this kind of therapy revolutionized men’s lives). We must examine, bring out into the light, confess, and be healed of these inordinate desires deep within the soul that seem so “natural” yet war against the purposes of God for our lives. Once released of these enslavements, our own desires are not only freed to be re-oriented, but also those who have been victimized by these sins can also be free from the way their desires have been shaped by these sins.
2.) From dominating the other to being with the other. Our society trains us to make others into a fantasy for me. This is where the patriarchal dominance of the male over the female is a reflection of sin. Christian sexual redemption however overcomes difference WITHOUT OBLITERATING IT. This is the mystery (Eph 5:28-33). The two very different persons “become one.” Anytime we obliterate difference, to avoid the difference, any dominance or control exhibited therein, is the manifestation of sin that will lead to addiction. As a reflection of the Triune three in one, God created sexual life for the bringing together of difference. In some respects, I contend this is where same-sex relations can only fall short of God’s purposes. We therefore must examine ourselves, submit ourselves to Christ for the ways we seek to avoid difference, dominate or control those who are different in our sexual lives, play off ways we have stereotyped the opposite sex.
3.) From pursuing pleasure as the first goal to seeking pleasure as the after effect of true union. I take it that in Eph 5 the love of agape (Eph 5:25 committed covenantal self-less love) is joined together with the love of eros (Eph 5:31 the love that seeks union). Marcus Barth in his commentary of Ephesians says this is the only place in Greek literature where this happens. To me this says pleasure/attraction/the desire for union is not necessarily first, but often the afterwards development of a love that pursues the covenantal purposes of God in marriage. To seek pleasure as an end itself, to make the other an object for pleasure, to somehow take any short cut to pleasure by making it an end in itself, deforms one’s sexuality. It dissables the growing of our sexuality so that, over a life time monogamous relationship, sex becomes less and less about pure physical attraction and more about the pleasure of union. The pursuit of pleasure/attraction as an end in itself therefore must be confessed as sin. We must gather in some helpful way to submit ourselves to the disciplines (many of them liturgical within the rites of the church) that shape us for a lifetime of growing into One with the person God has given us for marriage.
4. From sex as personally generative to sex as procreative, extending beyond me into life and mission. Of course, I understand that sex can and perhaps should be personally generative (giving life). But what the Catholic tradition has truly understood, is that personal generativity is only generated out of the giving of oneself over to the procreative act that is beyond me in Mission. As Bob Hyatt has said so well here, the first command in the Bible to have sex is “be fruitful and multiply.” That sex should be always tied to procreation is something beyond the social imaginary of our current society. Yet to say that sex is physically tied to the unselfish act of giving oneself over to the future, to being obligated to the out-of control act of giving birth to something beyond one’s self is to ultimately say that sex, in the Christian sense, is missional. Yes I said sex is missional. For to give birth to and raise children, not as idols to our selves but as a belief and commitment to God’s future, is missional. Tying sex and procreation together in this way changes the very experience of sex. To detach it from the giving one self over to creation (even if biologically having children is not possible) changes sex. This is why Catholics have said that once you have contraception you shape and discipline desire totally differently. In this way then, we must allow our bodies to be shaped by God’s call to procreate biologically. Now there are obvious implications here for same sex relations as well as adoption. Don’t have time to expound here. In addition we must come to see celibacy as a discipline that orders our drives towards God’s mission in the world. We must see our singleness, whether short term or life time vow, as a time for the spiritual disciplining of our bodies for God’s mission.
THE HABITS OF A SEXUAL REDEMPTIVE COMMUNITY
In order for a missional community to offer sexual transformation in Christ, it must offer a place where spiritual disciplines can be practiced for the shaping of desire into Christ. Admittedly, the received standard view is that desire is natural/given tied to biology. And of course, desire is tied to the body in some ways. Genetics have something to do with it. And yet so much of sexual formation is developmental. The reshaping of desire is inconceivable in our society because of the modern construct of desire. Yet the contradictions inherent in saying desire is or cannot be shaped are so obvious it is hard to carry out this assumption in any meaningful way See Sarah Coakley’s can’t miss work on this here (HT Kinnon, Ben Myers)
In order for any of the above areas to be transformed, we need a regular practice of confession of sin, examination, space for the Spirit to shape imagination, healing prayer, liturgy and worship. (I recommend groups of three). We must have places where we can study Scriptures, talk openly and cast a vision for what God has created in sexuality. We must practice the renouncing of certain negative habits sexually (think of how we have renounced the domination of women in patriarchal patterns), how we look at each other, how we practice friendship, how we nurture our teenagers towards sexual fidelity. We allow the Holy Spirit to train ourselves into new habits that will often be at odds with society. Yet they are a profound witness to the sexual redemption God is bringing to the world in Jesus Christ.
Has anyone experienced such a sexually redemptive community? In my attempt to boil this down into a (long) blog post, what elements have I missed that are essential for such a transformative community?
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This subject of sex and sexual brokeness is one that is rarely touched because we all deal with misinformation or mistakes in our own lives or in the lives of those around us relating to sex. Thanks for broaching this topic. Talking about sex normalizes the conversation and opens the gate to healthy perspectives and healing perspectives for some of us. Good stuff!
David,
I just preached a sermon on sexuality Sunday and I wish you had posted this last week! Thanks for articulating well the need to submit our sexuality to mission and identity in Christ. What I articulated on Sunday resonated with this as in I was focusing on sex as an act of service and unity instead of self indulgence. I really appreciate the idea of pleasure being an after product, not a goal for sexual union.
I also tried to talk about what a sexually redemptive community might look like, but I was just guessing because I have never seen one. Are they out there?
As someone who likely won't have the chance to sit in on one of your classes, I hope you do write that 20 page essay at some point. A few thoughts and questions:
One of the dynamics that I have seen again and again (predominately, but not exclusively, with women) is giving themselves sexually to someone else to genuinely please the other person. I know it is most often linked to their own desire to be loved, but I think this dynamic needs some specific attention. Any thoughts?
You said :"As a reflection of the Triune three in one, God created sexual life for the bringing together of difference. In some respects, I contend this is where same-sex relations can only fall short of God’s purposes." This has often been my own assertion, but I increasingly struggle with it. Our truest otherness is not primarily biological, is it? I know it is significant, but for myself, this argument has been weakening somewhat.
It is with #4 that I most struggle, and on many levels. As a married man who is adopting due to our unexplained inability to conceive, I know that I am particularly sensitive to this issue, but it troubles me beyond that. For example, consider Chris & Phileena Heuertz. In her recent (excellent) book "Pilgrimage of a Soul", Phileena shares their conviction that God has called them, as a couple, to NOT have children for the sake of their vocation. How does this fit?
You do not explicitly say that you are opposed to birth-control, so this may not be an issue, but what about the problem of privilege? First, procreation demands far more of women than it does of men, so we need to be very careful with this kind of assertion. Second, birth control saves millions of lives in places in the world where women & children has not self-determination.
Again, these are just thoughts that trouble me, not explicitly lead me to disagree with you. I really appreciate this post.
Living in an intentional community of very imperfect people, of which I am certainly one, I might add that sexuality within a Christian community ought to entail confession, transparency, and restoration. This could also be formulated as repentance / restoration, but that implies sexual failure, which is not always the case; one can be tempted without falling. But the need for others walking alongside — others who also transparently admit their own struggles sexually and otherwise — is one of the great lacks in the Church today. It startles me how dishonest we are individually and corporately about the near-universality of sexual temptation. How do we minister to one another? Living as I do, I have the amazing luxury of being able to walk down the hallway on most days to a friend's room, pull him aside, and ask for prayer and/or counsel re being tempted sexually. These days, it is more often just "Five minutes to live by" — a quick confession of feeling weak or even entertaining sexual thoughts — followed by a prayer. Why do this? Why not just do it on my own? Because the act of becoming transparent before my brother also makes me accountable to him as a representative of Jesus. I know the difference — he's not going to rescue me or condemn me. But looking into his eyes and telling the truth about myself sexually is a place to start facing my own struggles in a deeper way than I otherwise might.
There's so much more to this… as someone who does believe in the work of mutability groups such as Exodus International (in part because I know people — see them daily — who have changed their orientation), I do bear witness to what the Scriptures say regarding homosexuality. But I don't think homosexuality is where the conversation starts or ends. Rather, it is part of the human journey toward wholeness that Jesus uniquely enables us to walk into.
Thanks for the thought-provoking posts.
You've said a lot in this academic format which I passionately believe. We see so little ministry to the people; teaching/preaching which suggest there is such a thing as, "The mind of God" or "the full counsel of God", the fact that God had already Made Up HIS MIND and will not change His Mind or purposes.
There is a lot more to be said here, but I will leave it for possible future dialog. I do believe in community,.. but I believe in the crucial need for Strong leaders. Although we are a Body, Corpus Christi., still the head (mind) must inspire and motivate the body and give reasoned sense to it's movement. Peace for Now
My middle reply, lost in a cut and paste, suggested a need for what I called "Statesmen Preachers/Pastors and Prophets to the people" who can articulate beyond mere Doctrinal exegesis to instil in believers a sense of the there place in the world and a philosophy of the Word and of the Kindomin that helps them to be victorious over this "Spirit of the Age".
Jon Trott,
Your contribution here is huge … it helps us imagine what a welcoming and mutually transforming community of Christ can look like. Thanks!! I affirm several elements in the process you present …
Jaime … agreed those issues present challenges… I've dealt with the issues you and your wife are dealing with … and of course … there's so much to say on how this works itself out through the discernment of a community. Of course I think once we see children as Kingdom mission, not personal idols to our selves and our American (excuse me for putting it this way to a Canadian) idolatry of the family "for me" … spiritual formation changes … The other issue I agree as well presents the need for discernment … yet I resist the tendency to diminish sexual difference … I wish to say that this is one of three or four main points of created difference from which God has blessed us to go beyond ourselves …
Peace bro .. thanks for all the comments … there is much more to be said ..
DF
Dave –
Incredible thoughts. Well stated. Reminds me of many things JPII said in Evangelium Vitae. These are SUCH hard matters. God give us grace to live a vision of human sexuality that transfigures and heals.
Peace.
Andrew
There is much in this post that is rich worth pondering, wrestling with, and pressing in to apply in the reality of daily life and our lives together. While intrigued by your thoughts around desire and the re-ordering of desire, I fear that such concepts fail to acknowledge the reality that those who experience persistent same-sex most often do not experience such re-ordering despite applying the important practises you have described in this post. After ten years of ministry with gay and lesbian people I am confronted with the mystery of why these good concepts don't seem to play out in the redemptive manner I would expect and find myself with an enlarged posture of humility and openness to the ways God's grace and love embrace our gay brothers and sisters.
Whatever the issue, personal sentiments aside, if there is a lost, biblical vision, we are obliged to regain it. God's redemptive work, remains, God's redemptive work.
Wendy,
I guess my response here is to humbly (as humbly as possible) submit and say that this is the way of faithfulness I am called to and called to lead – until I am confronted with God revealing to us that we indeed are in some way being unfaithful to Christ. Fair? So I am open to hearing, especially from someone like you Wendy, how I or my community would be being unfaitgful to Christ. It seems like this would be a fruitful way to continue the discussion…
… In response to people staying attracted in same sex attraction? even after faithfully submitting to practices such as these? I don't know quite what to say except that I have seen the same battles go on in heterosexuals …
In the case of my own church life and ministry (20 some years) I have found myself being called or calling others (mainly heterosexuals) to examine the attractions we/they are basing our lives on. In many cases many couples were freed to base their marriages and their lives on something other than a set of attractions. In many cases not … and I have seen destruction in people's lives in many of these regards. I have tried not to speculate as to why, just continue to offer the gospel … in the ways described in these posts…
Yet I have never felt the need to somehow altar this kind of spiritual formation based on these many cases? Should I? seriously what would you say?
… this has been mainly part of my pre-marital counseling ministry and also at times in men's ministry of many different kinds… I am limited in my experience .. and have plenty of work to do in frotn of me, so I am open to these discussions …
I think a fruitful line of inquiry might be the place celebacy has played as part of the Christian sexual way for 2 thousand years. It is a part of the kingdom. This has little to do with affirming gay/lesbian relations. Rather this is part of a broader understanding of the nature of desire and the shaping of it for mission.
For the gay lesbian engagment with Christian life, what role does celebacy play? I am not suggesting that celebacy somehow has some unqiue value to gay/lesbians versus heterosexuals … I am saying it plays an elevated role within the church period … and speaks to the calling of all to subjugate desire to Christ for the sake of God's Mission. What implications might this then have for the gay/lesbian issues as these peoples engage the Christian life?
Blessings .. I hope to meet again along the way …
David Fitch
Almost. Kinda. Maybe?
I church I attended before moving to another city did two things simultaneously: became a major partner with the city AIDSwalk, and hosted a sexual addiction recovery group. I know the recovery group offered support and a transformational path for men with many kinds of sexual compulsions and desires, including homosexual desires and behaviors. Our participation in the AIDSwalk fundraising and preparation was an opportunity for a real incarnational witness; one of the organizers, a gay man, asked us if they could put our logo on the shirt as a sponsor (though we contributed only volunteer support, not money) because he said he thought there were a lot of people in his community needed to know about us. We did not have an explicit position on homosexuality. One time, a man in my small group spoke about how he felt God was showing him that he didn't have to act in a stereotypically "gay" manner even though he was–he was understand that God wanted him to become the unique person God had created him to be, not what the world told him he should be. He said that understanding of God's personal acceptance of him was modeled by the people he knew at our church.
Now, as far as I know, that man has not gone on to renounce homosexuality as a disordered desire. In some ways, you might say he was more fully embracing it. I do worry, too, about what lies down the road for that church. If this man finds out that the church actively supports those wishing to re-order their sexual desires away from homosexual desire, what will he think? Would the church conduct marriages of both gay and straight couples? (That issue had not come up.)
For all the really good words and deep thoughts you have laid out here, David, I am just not sure there is a way to be a sexually transformational and redemptive community without painting a picture of the ideal toward which God calls us. Either gay people are being called ultimately toward a healthy homosexuality or out of homosexual expression altogether. It strikes me as such cold comfort to say, "well, we think there are many with disordered heterosexual desire, too," because we still are saying there is such a thing as healthy, ordered heterosexual expression.
I guess where I saw the most fruit in the church I mentioned above is when we went out and lived among the gay community. They believed that we loved them, in a context that didn't require us to answer the question, "where do you stand on the issue?" It was their turf. But inside the community of faith, however you want to define that–those who come to the worship gathering regularly, those who have been baptized (i.e. publicly declared their death to self and life unto Christ), those who teach or shepherd–I think we just can't avoid the basic question of whether the scriptures offer any path toward rightly ordered, sexually active homosexual relationships.
NateW,
helpful comments …
Although I am surprised you think I am not "painting a picture of the ideal toward which God calls us."
Maybe I am not ebing direct enough for you on the community's position on GLBTQ relations . For the record, I did say in the post that "I still recognize the necessity of articulating our sexual commitments internal to the Body of Christ" … I see no problem spelling out the community;s commitments internally … I do prefer to work out these commitments as we engage actual live situations … but even having said that … I oprefer to talk about the sexual brokeness of our culture in terms which don't segregate or isolate one sin over against anothers … I continue to see no difference between the various heterosexual malformations than others associated with GLBTQ and beyond … This creates the illusion that heterosexual desire is somehow good just because its heterosexual …
peace
DF
In an age where peeople "tweet" during worship, I wonder what is left of doing anything truly "internal" in the church. The implications this has on the nature of the community (i.e. size, relationship, etc.) is significant.
Thanks for your response, David. I am still sorting through these issues, and I appreciate the way you are trying to re-frame the issue. I confess I have very little personal contact with the LGTBQ community, but I do see and hear so much hurt and bitterness toward the church. It is hard not to fall into an us/them paradigm, because I think that is what we are all expecting and used to. Andy Crouch wrote a piece some time ago that is helpful for me to break down that conceptual wall: http://www.culture-making.com/articles/before_the…
But that there is such a wall between the church and the LGTBQ community saddens me. I return to the question, "what kind of person does God need to change me into, so that I can love my homosexual neighbors (as myself)?"
Nate –
I think this: "what kind of person does God need to change me into, so that I can love my (actual, real live and not at all abstract) homosexual neighbors (as myself)?" is the right question. When I hear evangelicals talk about the morality of homosexuality, I always want to ask, "Did they figure out heterosexuality when I wasn't looking?"
The best way to learn how to love someone is to give it a shot and see what happens. You will most likely discover that the LGBTQ community is not monolithic, and that there are as many stories as people. (and that "gay Christian" is not a contradiction in terms.) Your impressions may change quite a bit as you get to know someone with no agenda.
I know that if most evangelicals look
I may have given the wrong impression, Christy. I wasn't saying "I don't know any gay people." The church I mentioned in my first comment was in a city I used to live in, and my current life just has very different circumstances and surroundings. I just meant that, as you note, the leading of God's Spirit seems to be clearer to me as it is worked out in real relationships, and hazier when I try to work it out on a theoretical level on a blog.
Was there more to your comment that got cut off?
"Has anyone experienced such a sexually redemptive community?"
I have. It was (and is) a community that is far from perfect, but I saw it be a sexually redemptive community for those dealing with SSA as well as with heterosexual singles and married couples.
I think I would probably characterize it as welcoming, commiserating, and envisioning. There was a very warm and welcoming spirit there that considered the struggles as something we were all in together and even held up and valued struggle in a powerful way (stories were most often told in the midst of the struggle). And there was a vision of wholeness held up as well – Christ-centered and eschatologically breaking through imperfectly now. That vision was one of real and tangible hope.
As far as characteristics go, I would say chief among them would be transparency – both at macro and micro levels. Strong leadership that is willing to stick their necks out and be vulnerable both in their personal transparency and in taking initiative and risk. A profound honoring of each person's story as one God is telling, and of the historic God-story. The elimination of traditional barriers between men and women (while the structure of the church maintained male eldership, the function was far more egalitarian – the leadership was not afraid to develop close friendships and counseling relationships with women in the church, and all the small groups were mixed). There were a few groups that were gender specific, but the fact that transparency was not regulated to those groups was powerfully redemptive. It is a church that is powerfully safe and does a good job of diffusing fear around sexuality (among other areas).
Tremendous post. The 'homosexual question' is really just the 'sex question.'
Thanks for all you do.
David, Can you explain the reason behind the tag "women/GLBTQ"?
Maggie, The set of posts started out by defining the three positions in terms of the way the two positions – women in ministry – and – GLBTQ issues – related to each other. You can see the original post by clicking on the category
My first thought is that I want my 16 year old daughter to read this because (in many ways) it describes what healthy relationships look like and how to have them. Until I get to #4.
I struggle with #4 … because as in all things, all things, we have the choice. And making the argument and the act about procreation is so very demeaning to people who are already marginalized … those who struggle with procreation to begin with, for whom the very discussion of childbearing is painful. Those who have passed that phase of their lives, but not necessarily the possibility. Those for whom for medical reasons, bearing children would not be wise. The impoverished who struggle to feed, clothe, and educate the children they currently have and cannot afford the health care to bear more children.
And, finally, as a woman I struggle with #4 because it was the advent of accessible birth control that gave us access to equality. We are not there yet, but without being able to control when we have children, we would not be as close as we are. That has given us access to higher and more thorough education, better jobs/careers and the ability to pursue our own dreams. Has it also changed the way our culture looks? Yes, but it is not all entirely bad … it is just now different.
Sonja,
As one who has walked the infertility struggle, I speak of these things in #4 with the awareness of the issues you speak about. I don't have space to expound on how the world of adoption, inferitility, openess to procreation and even celebacy are intersect tio make sense of these things in the formation of what we mean by the shaped desires of #4. So maybe another time … I don't know what might be the best forum …
I recognize to many women that #4 might appear as an assault against the "access to equality" … I think my approach would be to ask what we're talking about here … when we say "access to equality" … just what kind of equality are we after …
On all of this I migjt recommend Amy Laura Hall's Conceiving Parenthood:American Protestantism and the Spirit of Reproduction …
Hope this helps ..
Blessings ..
David … thanks for the book recommendation. I'm putting it in my cart for when we get home from our Vermont trip. It looks really good. I apologize for the assumptions I made about your arguments re: infertility and the pain it may have caused you. Sex and birth control are sensitive issues and somewhat difficult to deal with. [understatement]
I have long struggled with issue of equality and that very question … just what kind of equality are we after? What would it look like? How does it play out corporately … in our culture? in the church? in our families? in our selves? Heh … I sense a blog post of my own burbling here and I have to clean our cottage and get us packed up to leave tomorrow.
David, I really appreciate the dialogue that your posts have generated. I got "nailed" on the subject of gay marriage at the end of an incredible cross-cultural trip and found, among the group, little thought and consideration regarding the larger, more culturally awkward "sexual" question. How we live as Christ followers impacts every portion of our lives, including the sexual dimension since depravity affects the whole "humanness" of each of us. It's difficult to listen to the GLBT "acceptance means blessing" when I know of too many heterosexual relationships reflected disordered desires and motives.
I like Mark Yarhouse's lecture at TEDS in 2008 (or 2009?) in acknowledging same-sex attraction (SSA) as a temptation whereas GLBT reflects a lifestyle. We shouldn't be surprised by sexual confusion when talking to teens, or men and women's groups. Ascribing a lifestyle to our brothers and sisters wrestling with any sexual temptation is pigeonholing that removes the opportunity for mutual transformation and the Spirit's unique ministry in the lives of the church.
Whatever a redemptive community would look like–I guess it would be pretty full of broken folk–kind of like non-redemptive communities. Maybe the community would be called, "The Beattitudes." They probably would not think of themselves as anything special
[...] For now, I’d like to put forward a summary of the whole thing by posting a comment from the last post. It’s by Jon Trott. Jon encapsulates the challenges, the practices and the shape of the [...]
[...] I regularly draw on Roman Catholic theology. See this post here where contraception and procreation are talked about. Notice some of the [...]
[...] Instead I have sought to forge an incarnational way of witness among the LGBTQ peoples among us for the sexual redemption God is bringing to the world in Christ. I have only begun to write on these areas. Thanks to the many who are already thinking through [...]