My current roommate and I are considering not being roommates anymore. Not because we hate each other or anything, but more just because we are so different and “incompatible” (and because my roommate is moving in a different direction, if you will…he wants to buy a house). Which obviously relates to this post. I think the whole point of this post is to let the Holy fire of God forge a unity in Him rather than in our own self-interests/”compatabilities.”

Interestngly…I hadn’t considered moving out until last night’s conversation. But when I consider it, though, I relish the thought of getting away from the big screen HD TV with “on demand” cable (which regularly features UFC bouts and reruns of The Fast and the Furious and such things), the computer, all the extra space (which he thinks of as cramped). All these things he takes for granted as being good, and can’t really image why anyone would not like them in some way. That’s what I meant above by being “confronted with my own version of selfishness.”

To me such differences are even still “compatable”…if he were “missional minded.” How do you forge a unity through differences with folks who don’t really think of it like that (even when they are Christian)?

I am not asking for advice (unless anyone feels so moved). I just see a relation between my situation and this post and comment conversation.

And yet I am still struggling with it. Besides my own self centeredness to deal with…not in terms of the question of a house church…but in terms of my actual house…my roommate is a young professionaly commercial real estate agent…who isn’t “missional minded.” We don’t exactly have much in common. Problem is, what we don’t have in common is that we aren’t missional minded…and his selfhodd and life is an investment in all that I…uummm…loathe. And that wouldn’t even be a problem…TO ME…if he seemed OPEN to something ELSE.

For example…I used to live with an engineer. Being an architect…he and I are also very different…in some of the same ways as he and my current roommate. But over time we both grew and came together, and we both made concessions, and I would hear him make comments in which I would realize that he was mentally QUESTIONING his own materialism. So that made it comfortable enough…over a long period of time…that we can talk about the important issues. And now we are VERY VERY good friends. And yet we still avoid conversations about capitalism and consumerism.

But with my current roommate…I see no such openness or questioning…and I don’t really know how to approach that. Its kind of confusing to me. It confronts me with my own version of selfishness; and yet at the same time it makes me wonder if I need to be more assertive.

Again, none of that applies to the house CHURCH, but instead to the HOUSE. But I would think that the questions would be valuable.

Blessings,

Jason

I claim no supreme wisdom on this subject just years of attempting to connect with people. I don’t know if I’ll be able to articulate this accurately, but it seems to me that the idea of a common interest or affinity need not, ipso facto, be self-serving. It can, indeed, be a selfless instrument for achieving some level of comfort for those we are attempting to bring into a group, even conferring a social edge to people who may not otherwise be socially confident or versatile.

I participate in a library discussion group which requires me to read titles I may not otherwise choose to read. It’s an especial sacrifice for me when I have such limited time to read and a long list of books which I would desperately prefer to read. (Perhaps the Lord will not count it against my life span?)

But this investment gives me a connection point to strangers, and that connection point offers the promise of further connections and deeper discussions. It’s my way to “hang out” with strangers and see what God wants to do with me.

Perhaps this would not surprise anyone who has studied group dynamics, but it surprised me. The discussion group that began last fall included a very odd assortment of geographically, professionally, economically, culturally, educationally, maritally diverse folk whose differences were further exaggerated by diametrically opposite personalities. I really didn’t hold out much hope for this one, but I plugged along. To further my hopelessness, the group leader was neither a strong personality nor a facilitator. (Let’s hope she’s not reading this blog!)

What made this motley crew eventually “click” was not gifted leadership nor even primarily the literature we were discussing. I believe that the real cohesion for us was our mutual investment in hours of reading for the others (many reading more than the required 2 books prior to each meeting). This honoring of the group covenant made us respect and appreciate each other and eventually open other areas of our lives to one another.

Perhaps the group that starts up this fall will develop along entirely differently lines and force me to very different conclusions. Howe’er that may be, I plan (deo volente) to be there, to do my “missional” reading and see what God wants to do with me!

Though this seems obvious, few of our community initiatives in the church recognize this base reality, let alone build their programs on it. Instead, it seems like we do as much as we can to “lighten Jesus’ load” and “set Him up for success” if you will–by working as hard as we can to put people together that will “get along.”

I think the above paragraphs might hold the record for “phrases in quotation.”

Anyways, I lived in a community for three years in Denver–called the Downing House–and I wholeheartedly agree that Matt & David have a valid premise and argument here. The result of living and working together with a group of people that you just plain don’t naturally get along with is this: God gets the glory for what he’s doing with and through the community, because each individual knows that without the real presence and influence of His Spirit, it’d be a meaningless disaster. (It’s still usually a disaster, even with His Spirit… but it’s anything but meaningless!)

Thanks for the post.

Loved this post–I would say what you are talking about–whether it is a housegathering or just one-on-one, is the fine art and practice of Christian friendship, same gender, or cross-gender–that is completely unlike secular (or pop evangelical) versions of friendships where one has to “click,” or one has to be “attracted” to the other, initially.

I am on the beginning edge of moving from the Michigan City Indiana, about 45 minutes from Chicago, to Portland Oregan around the 1st of the year to help plant a Church. I am going to be heading up our Micro-Church, Home Church environment, and some other related tasks.

I have always done “small groups” in the traditional sense (affinity, age-based, etc…) and want to move more towards doing groups as you described that are based in Neighborhoods and are geographically based. But this is something that is out of my comfort zone and I was wondering if I might talk to you and/or your other pastor partners about how you guys are doing that. I need a brain to pick…
email me at transformission@hotmail.com