Intentional Hospitality Amidst the White-Washed Isolation of the Suburban Malaise: Rantings on Being the Church in the Suburbs
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The church community of which I am a part of is very much in the suburbs, the northwest suburbs of Chicago. Strangely as these suburbs have become more diverse (conspicuously more Hispanic, Asian, as well as other ethnicities) they have become more starkly spatialized - in turn isolating each family unit in its own house with fenced in yard and automatically-opening garage with direct access into the house which can be driven into and all contact avoided with the outside world. David Matzko McCarthy in his wonderful book, Sex and Love in the Home describes the myth of this suburbia:
The dream of the suburbs is a self-sufficient home, inhabited by affable kin and grace with plenty of yard to provide a buffer between neighbors. The aim of suburban life is to choose a home and neighborhood where we can be happy, where people work hard and respect the ways of others, and where families get along on their own and come together for recreation and leisure. … The great pleasure of home ownership is freedom and autonomy (p.80).He then proceeds to describe how the suburbs are built for the idolization of the affectionate family as the end and purpose of all life.
The problem? When the family becomes another form of life separated from God and the church, it too becomes another form of self-imploding narcissicism focused on consuming more stuff for the perfect home, and contract services to make home life easier. There is nothing but contrived affection left to keep the home together. And our children who learn they are the center of this universe from us parents actually develop character that believes “they actually are” the center of the universe. Years later America is left with families split by divorce, kids leaving in rebellion, and millions on various drugs to relieve the emptiness due the loss of purpose left as the idolized family turns out to be a myth apart from its mission in Christ. But I digress here off the issue of hospitality.
There is a real problem here in the spreading of the gospel for Life on the Vine and other emerging churches who live under the imposed conditions of the hostile suburbs. If hospitality is to be a central way of life for the spreading of the gospel, the alienation of the suburbs is a condition of our exile we must overcome. Elsewhere I have said:
… evangelical Christians must consistently invite our neighbors into our homes for dinner, sitting around laughing, talking, listening and asking questions of each other. The home is where we live, where we converse and settle conflict, where we raise children. We arrange our furniture and set forth our priorities in the home. We pray for each other there. We share hospitality out of His blessings there. In our homes then, strangers get full view of the message of our life. Inviting someone into our home for dinner says “here, take a look, I am taking a risk and inviting you into my life.” By inviting strangers over for dinner, we resist the fragmenting isolating forces of late capitalism in America. It is so exceedingly rare that just doing it speaks volumes as to what it means to be a Christian in a world of strangers.And yet this has proved so much harder than we had ever expected for the reasons I started out this post on. Inviting someone over for dinner in the suburbs is regularly considered pathological in these suburbs. Suburban people are either too busy, too self-protected or too worried what your agenda might be to ever come over. Likewise, I as a pastor and others in our church are regularly so busy, it hardly seems possible.
Do I believe it is impossible? No. We must continue to pursue a relentless practice of being hospitable as a distinctive subversive Christian act in the suburbs. I must change my life to live more simply, have more time and practice neighborhood acts of cooperative living. I must ask my neighbor, co-worker or friend in the park over for dinner "70 times 7" times if that is what it takes. The city seems less afflicted with the problems of the suburbs. So they say? Yet I lived there for many years and I cannot say there is too much difference in at least the increasingly larger wealthier gentrified parts of the city (where many of the emerging churches are camped out). What I worry about here is that the inner city has become the hip place to live as more people reverse commute in Chicago. Just as the rich fled the city 40 years ago now they flee the suburbs for the inner city. And of course emergent churches seem to be more attracted to the hip of the city. I however plead for a truly subversive Christianity that practices hospitality in the hostile worlds of the white washed suburbs. I plead for more emerging communities of faith in the suburbs. Let us seek to be faithful combating the overwhelming Walmartization of Christianity by a vigorous and relentless practice of hospitality.
Posted by David Fitch | 8:28 AM
COMMENTS:
Dave,
Great comments to think about. I do have a question for you though. As a single woman, living in an expensive suburb, very small place, and not much money in the way of entertaining others...what do you do? Can a single woman really invite people we do not know over for dinner? Into our home/apartment?
Should we fear those we do not know? I am afraid that as a single woman it is so much more difficult for me to practice hospitality in some of the ways you suggest. When we speak of hospitality in the church, we so often think in ways of couples, families over two, etc.
Just some thoughts....
Blessings,
Linsey
7:28 PM
Yo, Dave - I agree with your critique of the `burbs. But I wonder if it is too easy of a target: who out there would ever defend the individualistic, materialistic suburbs from a biblical point of view? My guess - it's a pretty short list. A lot of handwringing can go on about our selfish, lonely ways of life. But its interesting that you yourself say "The city seems less afflicted with the problems of the suburbs. So they say? Yet I lived there for many years and I cannot say there is too much difference in at least the increasingly larger wealthier gentrified parts of the city (where many of the emerging churches are camped out)." I've been in some of the un-gentrified parts of urban areas, and I don't see any greater sense of community there, either.
I believe that families are a meant to be a model of community. God says He sets the lonely in families (Ps. 68:6), bibical feasts were practiced in the context of families as well as the greater national community.
That doesn't mean I'm suggesting that the family becomes the center of our faith practice. What I am saying is that churches are supposed to function like families.
If a church begins to "get it" and the people actually become a part of one another's every day lives, the temptation is to close ranks and become a clique in the name of preserving hard-won Community.
Mostly, though, our churches are a reflection of us - isolated, lonely, and wealthy with STUFF, as you mentioned.
There are counter-cultural revolutionaries out there, doing it differently in the midst of our culture. Urban monks, JPUSA, Reba Place Fellowship, the International House of Prayer movement based in Kansas City, to name a few. Blue Like Jazz Don Miller has written about his community-based faith experience.
Reaction to what's wrong is only the seedbed for vision for something different. In each of the aforementioned cases, God gave these people vision for a life greater than their own individual ones.
This is my prayer for all of us...
9:32 AM
Thanks for putting into words the resistance I've felt to inviting neighbors into my home ... even though I also feel this is my primary ministry opportunity at this stage of my life (and I'm becoming convinced at any stage!). Just acknowledging that such hospitality is subversive helps me to get on with it!
Maria
9:39 AM
Michelle ..well spoken .. sounds like a book(your next one after this one? i.e. no. 3?)! I think what I am pushing for here is not just a critique of suburbs, but an encouragement to persist in acts of hospitality as a regular unrelenting practice ... And Linsey .. my experience as a single man for many years of my adult life is that hospitality is less confined ...and that single people are more open to hospitality than marrieds ... and therefore there are more opportunities? But, as a single woman I agree that there would be more precautions ... and probably maybe less freedom to ask men over? It seems that you would have to band toegther with another friend or two or three ... yet even as a pastor where hospitality is so important to ministry ... I found hospitality easier when I was single ... (and I am not just talking about single's gatherings to meet other singles ..) Great comment Linsey! thanks ..
and to Maria .. and everybody ... Let us all keep trying .. and that includes me ...
11:02 AM
One of the reasons that 'scared' me about marriage is everyone that seemed to get married for one reason or another split themselves off from everyone else. Life became only about them. They would especially cut off other single people. I'm starting to meet couples though that are nothing like this and are hospitable and welcoming to everyone around them and value being 'out there.' Great post on hospitality and hopefully it will encourage many to open their homes and slowly purge this indivudualism out of our lives.
Nathan Colquhoun
www.nathancolquhoun.com
2:03 PM
Dave-
So tell me, do you think that in terms of different ethnicities, do you think that some place a higher value on hospitality than other ethnicities?
Just a question?
4:01 PM
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4:01 PM
Nathan ... thanks for the post ... are you doing a church plant in Sarnia? If so I'd like to meet next time I am there. Rae(my wife)and I spend a few eeks up on the coast of Lake Huron renting a cottage of some farmer friends we knwo. It'd be great to see what you're up to.
4:10 PM
Hey Dave, I am part of three guys that are planting a church in Sarnia, we are in the beginning stages right now, and hoepfully things will be in full motion by Jan 07.
I'll be at the FRWY when you are there in summer, and if things work out i'll actually be interning there, it will be great to meet you and talk about things.
11:19 AM
Dave,
Great thoughts. Here is a piece on our site about some of these issues as it relates to "third places" (also may answer some of Linsey's question: http://www.frwy.ca/third_place.html
Also, Nathan is a great guy, who you should meet... not that he needs a reference from me.
10:17 AM
Pernell.
Excellent piece on third spaces, I'll use that in my "Church in postmodern context" classes! I look forward to seeing you and Nathan and everyone in May!
Angela ...I have no doubt that some ethnic culture value community and hospitality more than others. In fact, frankly, I think practically any culture values hospitality and community more than us white and/or professionalized populations. Steve Jo is always reminding me at church how the Chinese people of his upbringing value church as family in sharp contrast to us (at LOV). I think that goes for many first generation ethnicities not enculturated with the American late capitalist identity. It's a shame, but American modernity has led us to this hyper-stressed, dual income, high achievement, consumer driven life which we as Christians must resist through hospitality.
Michelle ... if you're still on this thread ... my one question is can we be a hospitable family community of Christ without being a decidedly intentional community like Reba Place, JPUSA, Urban Monks etc.? I so far have argued that we can through persistant and relenting practices of hospitality, benevolence, Justice/Mercy and others. Do you think true community/hospitality can occur in these times w/o going common pursue intentional community?
Peace ..
4:39 PM
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5:58 AM
Well said, David.
As someone who will be planting a church in the Montana this Fall, we face these same situations in much of the Western part of the United States - it's not rural, but ir's not urban either (apart from a few big cities like Denver, Salt Lake City, etc, most of the towns out West are under 100,000 people and their character throughout is very 'suburban'). So this is something we've been thinking a lot about.
On the positive side, I think there are a lot of suburban folks who sense the need for "something more", even if they haven't put their finger on it yet. So the situtation is not entirely bleak, but it is going to take some intentional thinking outside the box to make this happen.
Great post.
5:59 AM
Can it happen in the `burbs? Yeah.
Will it take more than a "New Year's Resolution" promise to self to engage in guerilla hospitality as a lifestyle? Yes. That guerilla hospitality is one step, and it's a valuable habit to begin to cultivate.
But I wonder if simply adding a new habit to an overbusy, consumerist suburban life (without purging a lot of other activity at the same time) will really accomplish what it is that most of us desire - community.
Aw, you already know the answer to that. :)
10:01 AM
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1:07 PM
we used to live in a rural area with 10 houses clustered together and we'd have 'soup night' each wednesday instead of going to town for church. our children were so excited at this development, that when we moved back to the suburbs near the city they asked 'when will we have soup night'? it has to be an intentional, habitual, self-giving sacrifice so that our children will learn what it is to development community in the presence of others, not just ourselves and our families.
1:35 PM
Great post--living intentionally in the Kingdom of God is not easy-it's against our nature.
When we do practice it, we taste the sweetness of the kingdom of God-even if the circumstances we are ministering do not look so sweet. Matter of fact, most of the time it is downright ugly.
A good book on the Kingdom of God (or as the subtitle of the book states: Practicing the Presence of the Kingdom of God) is Rick McKinley's "This Beautiful Mess"- a perfect description of the Kingdom of God.
http://www.amazon.com/This-Beautiful-Mess-Practicing-Presence/dp/1590525019/sr=1-1/qid=1167802583/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4429473-3764668?ie=UTF8&s=books
12:04 AM
I would be curious to find out to whom one should be hospitable? Does it extend to similiar-minded neighbors or perhaps the inter-racial couple down the street? Does it extend to the gay couple with a child recently moved from the city? Does it extend to the divorced single mother up the block? Does it include the white couple in a black neighborhood? It is important to remember that hospitality is not an act but a state of mind. It is a welcoming into rather than a meeting of. It is a greeting of foreigners and strangers into one's community. It is doing Jesus' mission in our own time and our own place.
3:00 PM
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